ChaseTheHorizon's Xanga

For those of you still reading...

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:09:32 GMT

...read elsewhere: A Midwest State of Mind

everything is quiet since you're not around

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:07:52 GMT

I had meant to have a productive day today. I imagine it will be a moderately productive evening, at least, but for one reason or another, the former didn't happen.

Instead, I felt compelled, as often happens, to revisit a flurry of my old Xanga entries.
All of them, in fact, from 2004-2006.

I started this journal on Thursday, April 29, 2004. The song I was listening to was "The Background" by Third Eye Blind. I was the producer of a local theatre company called Still Waiting Productions, and had just finished beating the Playstation 2 RPG Xenosaga with my roommate Brad. I was dating Ellen - we had just crossed the six-month mark, and she was in London and due to arrive back home in about two weeks. I had no idea I wanted to become a cinematographer; hell, I probably couldn't tell you what a cinematographer even was. And, by peer pressure or just out of the will to keep track of my life somehow, I decided to start a weblog.

What a thing. I haven't counted, but I'd estimate I was a subscriber to almost 150 blogs on the site, a great deal of them started by my Toledo-based friends but some of whom I would discover via searching later. It was a massive network of whatever the hell we wanted it to be. I made announcements about shows, meetings, and times using Xanga because everyone checked it. All the time. At moments, it became one huge venting session, fueled by vague statements and cryptic comments about who said what or who did what at this party or at Open Mic Night. Other times, it was the ultimate unification of what bound us together as friends: theatre, film, art, sympathy for a failed relationship or for a lost friend, hilarious links and random videos, and so on. I kept a film blog and even a blog about a novel I was writing, and later suggested Xanga to one of my professors as a way to keep journal entries for our final productions. I remember becoming friends with certain people simply as a result of our shared connections through Xanga. Hilarious, but honest.

Xanga is definitely a shell of what I remember it being for us. Really, aside from Chad, Sarah, Kelly, Erika, KRoss, and Pineapple, no one else frequents their blogs anymore. I wonder if it's because we grew out of them, or because we found other, better sites to blog with, or because we simply had less drama to dispense. A fair portion of us are engaged, married, or living with significant others. The rest simply grew out of the trivial complaints and gossip that Xanga seemed to foster among our crazy group. To me, in an odd way, it was a symbol of the Five-Year Summer. ("One of us...")

It's amazing how I can track the past five years of my life and the various stages of growth I went through, thanks to this blog. How specific events, even if some of them aren't mentioned directly, resonate throughout certain passages. The opening night performance of The Magician's Nephew. My breakup and falling-out with Ellen. Mark Hannigan's death. Becoming an RA. My realization that I wanted to be a cinematographer. The first two-hour phone conversation I had with Kathleen in LA. The first time I got drunk. The first day of production on Glass City and the subsequent premiere. So many random moments. So many movies I've seen. So many other trivial things that I thought were so...important.

I think I've finally grown out of this. I'm considering buying a Premium account for one month, just so I can archive the past five years...and then I'm going to delete my Xanga account. It's been a long time coming. Maybe I'll start up a blog elsewhere.

Or maybe I'll just be content with Facebook and - God forbid - Twitter.
Thanks, all. Goodnight.

what is past is prologue

Returning to the real world. Almost.

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:10:50 GMT

We wrapped Happily After - unofficially - on Sunday, Sept. 13 at 11:17am.

Two days of pickups await us in October while our lead actress's arm heals from the injury she incurred halfway through the shoot, but despite the best efforts of the universe at large to stop us, this unbelievable cast and crew has prevailed over the past three weeks in ways I never imagined. (On top of it all, Sharina's going to be fine, too. Whew.) Until midway through the last week of shooting, there was still that minor part of me that wondered just how we would accomplish such a thing. I wonder no more. And there isn't a stressed-out bone in my body.

Which is good. Because I'm about to do this whole damn thing again in two months. Separation Anxiety has officially gone into fundraising mode, now that our cast is finalized and the crew is coming together. I'm going down to Columbus next week to location scout with Cole and Mike and to help Cole and Kiana make their big move to Chi-town. Thank the Lord. I think I've been unceremoniously counting down the days in my head until we could finally be in the same city, and now that day has arrived. So pumped.

Now, my life returns to a semblance of normalcy. I've booked about half a dozen freelancing gigs for the next few weeks, and hopefully more will surface in October before Separation Anxiety gets going. I desperately need to make some money, but I'm strangely not worried. I feel as though I've done this all before, and after Happily After I genuinely don't think anything can stand in my way. I feel invincible. What sort of low-budget film survives the scheduling mishaps and medical emergencies ours did?

Glass City Films has made a habit of making the impossible possible. Nothing bodes well more than that. Truly, I stand on the shoulders of giants. This cast and crew was without question the best I've ever worked with. I could not have asked for more. Can lightning strike twice in one year? We shall see.

he took the midnight train going anywhere

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 06:28:07 GMT

So, I haven't seen it yet, but after hearing the cover of "Don't Stop Believing" performed by the cast of Glee, I think I'm definitely going to have to view the pilot episode before tomorrow's series premiere. It's been on constant repeat on my computer since I first heard it yesterday; how did it take me THAT long to find it?

Four half-days separate us from the end of principal photography on Happily After. I cut together scenes from the ending that we shot yesterday, and it was absolutely spectacular in every way, exceeding even my wildest expectations of what I thought we could achieve. And it's not even remotely close to well-edited yet. This bodes very well, friends. Very well indeed.

In other exciting news, Glass City and Rendezvous are both up for multiple awards at the Naperville Film Festival. Cole's up for Best Director for BOTH films, and Scott and Kiana are nominated as well; Rendezvous also got a Best Short Film nod. The awards show is on Sept. 26, and in what will surely inspire a geekgasm from me, Roger Ebert is one of the honored guests at the show. So excited. If there was anyone I could call my film idol, it's probably him.

One day, we will look back on all this and laugh. I truly can't wait for that day.

The rollercoaster of a weblog.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 03:34:45 GMT

Most people who have avidly followed my musings here know that I tend to use this weblog as a springboard, and even more so as a way of letting out my unfiltered emotions in the heat of the moment. When I have a bad day on set, for example, the blog entries tend to come across as bitter; I rant about how I'll never do this again or how I'm simply "getting tired of the whole filmmaking thing." Conversely, when things are going well - when the work is steady and the paychecks are frequent and the stress levels are low - I either won't have much to talk about or I'll simply rattle off a listing of what I'm excited about for the next couple of months, and talk about how blessed I am.

Take the past two days, for example. Yesterday was a lot of firefighting on the producer end of things. I took my frustration out in about half a dozen different ways, and this blog definitely felt part of it. Today, by contrast, was an almost-too-easy 10hr day of fantastic shooting at our office space location. And tomorrow brings with it three of the most complex, dynamic shots of the entire film: two magnificent Steadicam moves and an 18-ft crane pull-back. I'm so in awe of how well things are going on the filmic level, and I feel like I've taken it for granted the past week or so, dwelling only on what needs to get done without realizing how much we've already gotten done. We're 70 pages into a fantastic film.

I guess I'm saying that these entries should be taken with a grain of salt in the long run. From one day to the next, things change. Some days are good, and some days are bad. Yes, I'm stressed as hell. But I'm also having a blast. I'm never happier than I am when I'm busy. And by week's end, we will be so close to the finish line we can taste it, and we'll have the beginnings of a truly amazing final product to show for it all. All the sleepless nights, all the stress and anxiety, all the crazy conflicts and hilarious turns...it will all be worth it. Don't fret.

Seeking perspective.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 02:45:00 GMT

When I make a film, I'm more or less entirely cut off from the world. Working 12-14 hours a day tends to leave little room for anything else, and on Happily After in particular even my days off have become longer and more stressful days than those I spend on set. It drives my friends and family and especially Kathleen bonkers. They worry about me. I worry about me.

Today was the first day in a while I felt like I experienced some semblance of life outside the realm of this feature film. I watched Notre Dame's football team trounce Nevada in the season opener. I attended our lead actress's show, The Sugar Syndrome, and it was a stellar experience; I forget how much I love watching theatre, even as I remember how much I now abhor the experience of doing it.

And tonight, in a couple of brief phone conversations with Cole and Chad, I was reminded quickly how poorly I've put things in perspective lately. I've stressed myself out to the point of no return for weeks now. I've felt on the constant edge of a breakdown. Inexplicably, we've made it through twelve days on set and 62 pages of our script, and we're still standing, but in the flotsam and jetsam of life...

I never knew Chad's stepdad, but I wish I could be there for his family. For my friend. I wish I could help Kathleen more with wedding planning even as it's a year off. I wish I could spend more time with the people who matter to me. And I haven't been able to do that because I've been too immersed in this film to live life around me. I've never been good at handling that. I don't know why. But I just want to be better from now on.

One more week. Four full days, three half-days. Keep me sane.

Normalcy.

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:27:57 GMT

I'm not sure how to accurately describe the past few weeks to anyone. (For a slightly more accurate description, protected posting is your friend.)

In a strange way, I feel as though I skipped summer. I haven't done any summery things. Save for the excursion to Traverse City, I haven't gone to the beach, I haven't gone swimming, I haven't tossed a Frisbee around the park, and aside from a great late-July fiesta, I haven't had the opportunity to really party and hang out with my roommates or my non-film Chicago friends. And here I am, days - even hours - away from principal photography on my first feature as a director, wondering if I'll get to that blissful place where I can simply sit back and enjoy how relentless and strong my cast and crew is.

There's something spectacular about shooting a film in the summertime. Two years ago today, we were outside Nicki's house shooting the nighttime exteriors for Mike and Emma's first kiss in Glass City. Last year, I had just wrapped up Last Stop. One feature per summer. Sounds joyous, no? Happily After may start a bit late in the summer, but it's certainly a summer movie and nothing less. And for so many of us involved, it's the culmination of our time in Chicago to date. Justin's first feature as a DP. Mine as a director. Ashley's first produced feature-length script. The fifth production from Glass City Films, to be shortly followed by our sixth. Quite the company we've created out of the ether.

Part of me desperately wants to do this for the rest of my life. But there's that part of me - the sane, logical, family-oriented part, which almost always wins the long-term battle with me - that understands and absolutely looks forward to evenings like tonight, when I sit at home, cook a TV dinner, take a walk with my (soon-to-be) wife, check my email, watch the news, and leave work at work. Never could I understand why Clint Eastwood always insisted on no longer than 10-hour days for his shoots. Next year, after all the chaos settles, I think that's going to be my next goal for Glass City Films as a production company.

Cole, I can't wait for you to come to Chicago. I'm still giddy with the prospect. I wonder how it will change you, how it will change us and the way we work. I wonder if you'll make as many trips back to Toledo as I often do, and if it will do for you what it does for me - that is, recharge the batteries and remind you that shooting films in Chicago is nice, but shooting films in your hometown is like nothing else in the world. I love the Midwest. There truly is nothing like it.

I'll try to update as often as possible throughout the month - if not here, then on the GCF blog. Happily After has dominated my life for the past two weeks, and it will do so for the next three weeks to come. It only makes sense that I clue everyone in on the process. Wish me luck.

More Extreme Christ...and a real update.

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:34:13 GMT

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

This is my life.

For the past week since returning from the Columbus/DC excursion, I've been working close to 16 hours a day every single day on Happily After. I juggle producing and directing, and it gives me fits of horrific anxiety that even Kathleen struggles to keep at bay sometimes. This is without question the hardest project I've ever tackled in my life, and by summer's end it will surely be the most rewarding.

I don't think I ever expected to be where I am right now, or at least not so quickly. Glass City was nothing more than a screenwriting exercise for me when I first wrote it, out of a desire to get the ideas down on paper and a need to figure out what made that summer tick for me. When Ashley gave me this script, I don't know how empty my words must have sounded when I said I'd direct it, but I don't think even I expected it to actually happen until this summer.

So many projects went down the tubes at once in June. I was slated to shoot two short films and three features in four months, and all of them just...died. If nothing else, that was the ultimate motivation: if I wasn't going to get a project started, I wasn't going to do anything remotely satisfying creatively for an entire summer, and that really irked me. So Mike and I went to Toledo to shoot Meaghan's music video. And we went to Columbus and shot Ruth's short film. And I decided, come hell or high water or a complete lack of funds, Happily After would become a reality.

Which brings us here. I remember that great quote I used on the eve of Glass City's production, and it still holds true now. Happily After is one of those projects, one of those moments, that made us - that made me - for a time, better perhaps than we are.

Down the rabbit hole I go. See you all in September.

Damn straight.

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

A film rant: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:15:58 GMT

So few franchises can boast the longevity of the Harry Potter series. That may seem like an obvious way to start, but think about it: aside from perhaps the Star Trek series, what films can boast a cast that remains so sprawling and consistent, or a single overarching storyline that will eventually encompass eight movies? Any director, screenwriter, cast, or crew could be forgiven for sticking with the familiar, especially in a series that has sold out thousands of theaters before a single screen projects the film. For blockbusters, the modus operandi as of late has been to forgo character and to play connect-the-dots with action sequences, to stick with the Cinemascore ratings of What Audiences Crave. Last night, I can honestly say I was not expecting more than I got from any of the previous five Harry Potter films.

Maybe that's why I'm so shellshocked. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the sixth entry in what will be an eight-film monstrosity when all is said and done, is a triumph, a wonderful concoction of humor, pathos, mystery, tragedy, and - yes - action and terror, the blockbuster to end them all this summer. And the film seems as shocked as anyone else by that fact. The actors, young and old alike, ascend to new heights. The comedy has never been better, the timing never more spot-on. The cinematography - helmed by Potter newbie Bruno Delbonnel of Amelie and Across the Universe - reaches a new peak of visual splendor and thematic riches. And credit director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves for taking on what may be the most revered book of the franchise and adapting it into a never-messy, rarely-slow 2.5-hour feast of filmmaking that peers into the darkness of Hogwarts and finds the light.

Or perhaps it's the other way around. While Harry's journey this year is clogged with often hilarious portrayals of romantic tension and comedy - let Twilight have its melodrama; I'll take Ron's love potion woes or the pinings of Lavender Brown any day - the themes are decidedly ominous. Draco Malfoy, the stereotypical bully of the series, has a new depth, brought to him by a task the Dark Lord himself assigned to the tortured youngster. The halls of Hogwarts are emptier, filled with shadows and cracks in the surface. The colors are more muted, the editing slower and more somber. And as Harry tries to uncover the secret to destroying Voldemort - locked away in the memories of returned Professor Horace Slughorn, new Potions master at Dumbledore's request - he reaches into a vault of memories showcasing the creation of the villain himself. Yeah. I remember when high school was like this, too.

It's funny, though. This film, while by necessity a stopgap and an exposition-heavy setup for the last two films in the series - the talk of Horcruxes and Snape's loyalties is remarkably lacking in explanation, probably for that very reason - feels the most true to the spirit of Rowling's books, even beyond the Alfonso Cuaron-directed Prisoner of Azkaban, until now the franchise's star pupil. It feels most like school, like adolescence in transition, setting the horrors of smothering girls and nervous guys alongside the devastating tragedies that befall the school by year's end. One brilliant shot follows Malfoy down a corridor, placing him alone as he walks down one side of the frame and showcasing a group of couples laughing and snuggling in the foreground on the other side. Amazing, the things that hide under our noses.

I could go further in plundering the themes of Prince. I could shower more praise on the actors - Michael Gambon has never been better as Dumbledore, and Jim Broadbent becomes the silent tragedy of the film in his portrayal of the failed Slughorn; his monologue to Harry about the death of Harry's mother will take the breath out of you. (Even our three heroes feel much improved, particularly Daniel Radcliffe, who finally finds a wonderful, unique comic timing.) And I could criticize the film for a too-long run time, a slow middle section, and a slightly rushed finale. But you could say that about The Empire Strikes Back as well. And while this franchise will never fully attain the artistic or emotional heights of the books or of other non-adaptations, Prince is without question the best of the franchise, and assures us once and for all that the Potter franchise is in good hands. David Yates, you now have my respect.